When I pick up my son from nursery, I always get a thorough run down of his day along the lines of he drank this much water, he ate this much food, he slept for this long, had this many nappy changes, enjoyed playing with the drums etc. But every now and then you get a little milestone curve ball, which is just a casual “oh and he crawled from here to there” or “he pointed at where he wanted to go” or “he took 6 unaided steps” (that’s a biggie). Whilst you’re celebrating their achievement and praising them, it can sting just a little bit, the first thought is “but I missed it, I wasn’t there to see it happen for the first time.” Introducing FOMM… FOMM, is like FOMO, but instead of ‘Fear of Missing Out’ it’s a ‘Fear of Missing Milestones.’
As a working mum, I spend 4 out of 7 days a week at work away from my boy, in child terms that’s a massive amount of time away from them and their continuous development. Children are like sponges, they’re constantly seeing the world through fresh eyes and becoming more and more aware of their surroundings, they just absorb everything… (even the things you don’t want them to, cue the awkward swear word at great granny’s birthday dinner). Because of their spongy brains they are always learning, which is incredible to watch but when you’re not there, it’s a tough pill to swallow that they’re having all these new experiences without you.
A few months ago, my boy was so close to standing up on his own, he was nearly there with his balance and he kept trying and trying all weekend. When I picked him up from nursery on the Monday, I walked into the room and when he saw me, he gave me the biggest grin and just stood straight up. No help and no hesitation. I was in awe and I felt so proud of him but my heart did sink just a tiny bit that I wasn’t there for the ‘first time.’
It’s very easy to get caught up in being there for the ‘firsts’ these days, especially with the added pressure of showcasing every achievement on social media with a cute milestone card (not knocking them, I think they’re adorable and perfect for photo albums). But the truth is, your baby doesn’t care who was there the first time they took a step, said a word or stood up by themselves. They care about who is there for them in general, not just at specific times, they know that you love them unconditionally even when you’re away at work. They have so much confidence in your bond as parent and child that they cheer for you when you pick them up, they cannot wait to show you what they’ve been practising all day! It’s okay to feel that little sting of ‘I missed the first’ but don’t let it overshadow your baby’s proud accomplishment.
In a digital world it’s easy to lose perspective of what really matters, so let’s shift the focus of being there for the ‘firsts’ to just being there. When you celebrate with them, regardless of whether it’s the 1st time, the 2nd time or the 34th time, the super proud ‘look what I just did’ smile they give you will wash away the ‘FOMM.’
The Working Mum Project 