I’ve been quiet, but i’m still here.

I’ve been quiet, but I’m still here.

The past few weeks in lockdown have been strange, almost surreal, I wake up some mornings thinking ‘when will this end? is this real life?’ Juggling working from home and a 1 year old was so tough, that being furloughed by my employer was a blessing in disguise. Before being furloughed I felt like I was only giving 50% as a mother and 50% as an employee, neither of which sat very well with me.

I’d love to say that now I don’t have a ‘professional workload’ I’ve been at the top of my game and super productive, but that’s just not true. I’d love to say that all those activities and Pinterest boards have been attempted or completed, but that’s just not true. I’d love to say that my house is the cleanest its ever been, but again, that’s just not true.

The truth is, we’ve been given this incredible, unique gift of time, something that we never have enough of, especially when your children grow up in the blink of an eye. We’ve been forced to look at the simple things in life, for example, I always knew the process of the seasons but I never noticed how quickly a flower suddenly blooms! Or how, if you stand underneath a tree full of song birds and whistle, they try and replicate your tune. I’ve learnt how to make bread, I’ve recycled more efficiently, I’ve planted seeds and actually remembered to water them. When the baby is asleep I’ve doodled and painted, just for fun! I’ve stepped away from the laptop and only check the news once a day. I’ve baked. I’ve watched a lot of TV and films, rediscovering old favourites filled with nostalgia. 

That doesn’t mean that everyday is a breeze, in fact every day is hard for different reasons. But we’re doing it and so are you. Take each day as it comes because we really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Tell you what though, I will never take for granted a hug from my mum again.

Stay safe everyone. I won’t leave it so long next time, I think I’ve found my voice again.