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Saying goodbye to Maternity Leave

A few weeks before my maternity leave ended I experienced such a complex array of emotions. I was nervous for my boy to start nursery but I was eager to get back to work. I felt excited to catch up with my colleagues but I felt guilty for wanting to leave my baby. I was desperate to carry on breastfeeding but worried about how that was going to fit into our new routine. I wanted to spend all my days with my baby but I also wanted my career. One day I would feel calm and confident in my decision, the next day I would be in pieces wondering if this is going to be the best thing for us. 

I was grieving for my maternity leave, for the precious time I was spending with my baby boy without routine or commitments. It felt like I was losing him to nursery, it felt like he was no longer going to be mine, it felt like I was no longer going to be the centre of his world. To anybody reading this thinking, wow that’s so true, I promise you the thought of change is so much worse than the reality. I really tried hard to change my mindset around this, I looked at it as a new chapter rather than the end of something. I would say positive affirmations on a daily basis to reinforce that state of mind, I know that’s not for everybody but it really helped me.

The day before I was due back to work and my baby’s first full day of nursery, I was an emotional wreck. I barely slept, I felt sick, there was a lot of tears and saying “I don’t want to do this, I don’t want this time to end,” but, do you know what? In the morning, with the help of my husband, we got up, we got ready for the day and I dropped my boy at nursery. I called twice to check on him and both times he was absolutely fine. I picked him up and he was absolutely fine. In fact, he’d had a great day! This made the whole process so much easier in the weeks to come, I could see that he was thriving at nursery and that meant I could completely focus at work.

I think maternity leave ‘grief’ isn’t talked about, it’s just expected that because you’ve decided to go back to work that you should be happy with that choice. People love to say ‘Oh don’t be silly, you will be fine!’ I know they mean well, and (annoyingly) in the depths of your heart you know that they’re right, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to have your concerns. So here’s our more appropriate response;

‘Firstly, your feelings are real and valid, they’re not silly or stupid. It’s a big change and a big leap of faith to put all your trust into another person to care for your darling baby (baby refers to any age, they will ALWAYS be your baby). I know that it’s hard and the chances are, there will be tears… from both of you, but that’s okay and it will get easier. If your childcare solution doesn’t work for you or you’re unhappy with the number of hours you’re working, then you can reassess. Nothing is set in stone and you and your family comes first. You’ve got this Mumma x’

Mum. Work. Mum. Repeat

– The Working Mum Project

Earning my career, not my income

As a working mother who chooses (or has no choice but) to send her child to some sort of childcare provider, whether that be a nursery, childminder or nanny – you become resigned to the extortionate cost that comes with it. The cost of childcare is what you used to spend on weekends away or exciting holidays and now it goes into a bottomless pit of childcare fees. 


Most working parents are not able to get any free childcare until their child turns 3.. let’s do the maths shall we. So, let’s say you take your full maternity entitlement and take a year off, you start paying fees around your child’s 1st birthday – from this point you have extremely limited support until the term AFTER your child’s 3rd birthday, where you then may be entitled to 30 free hours a week term time only. Once your little one turns 4 it’s off to school they go and childcare fees may even continue (after school club, breakfast club etc), but it is substantially less.

This means that for those first 3 years of your child’s life, you’re either receiving maternity pay (which let’s face it, is extremely hard to live on) or are paying approx. £1k a month for a full-time nursery place. Since when did having children become a punishment? Since when were mothers pushed into leaving jobs due to huge childcare bills? Where is the financial support for working parents? I know that tax-free childcare is available (if you’re eligible) and the childcare voucher scheme which definitely helps, but it’s not enough. 

So many mums feel a real loss of identity after having their babies, they can only see themselves as ‘mummy,’ not who they were before. Going back to work can be a real outlet – it gives you focus, it puts that fire back in your belly and it can help you feel like YOU again. This feeling is what drives mums to want to go back to work, even if the majority of their income is spent on childcare fees, they’re going back for themselves and so they should! But surely something needs to change with childcare support? Don’t punish us for earning our career, stop taking our income. 

#workingmum #mumssupportingmums #childcare #childsupport #mumswhowork #helpmumsout #workingmother #mumsuk #mumblog

What should have been

They say it takes a village. But what happens when your village is banned and you’re forced into isolation?

We know that COVID has taken lives and destroyed livelihoods, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to grieve ‘what should have been.’

 As parents, we see first-hand how fast time goes by. You blink and they’ve gone from trying to roll over to tottering across the living room floor. You blink again and they’re negotiating with you for ‘one more’ bedtime story. 

As parents, you crave the conversations with other parents at your local baby group, where questions such as ‘does anybody else’s baby just not sleep?’ or ‘his poo was a really weird colour today, anyone else?’ are deemed completely normal and topical. 

As parents, you need the change of scenery of a day out somewhere, somewhere outside the confines of your home. Your home, that in the early days was a sanctuary but now feels more like a prison. 

As parents, you have the right to support, and we don’t mean a single support bubble. We mean the support of whoever you need on that particular day – that could be your mum for advice and to watch the baby, then it could be your best friend to boost you up and tell you you’re doing a great job. 

It wasn’t meant to be this way. Parents were not meant to be without their village.

It’s true what they say, this pandemic won’t last forever and with vaccines rolling out thick and fast, whispered hope of ‘when things are normal again…’ is becoming louder as each day goes by. But let’s remember, it’s also true what they say – your babies aren’t little for long. So, if you want to cry, vent, scream and stamp your feet saying ‘it’s not fair,’ then you are well within your rights to do so. It’s lost time. It’s a loss. Grieve that loss and then pick yourself up and plan for the future. Make big plans, make small plans, many any type of plan that makes you happy. From that first trip to a toddler group or the first time you take them swimming – those firsts will be just as special. Here’s to all the lockdown babies – your world may seem small right now, but just you wait, you’ve got so much to explore.

Furloughed Mum.

It’s been a strange old year and I can’t quite believe it’s the end of September with the big ‘C’ word (Christmas) just around the corner. I’ve had very little to say on here because quite simply, I haven’t been a working mum – I’ve been furloughed. But, I’m back.

I’ve been thrown back into the world of having to leave the house by a certain time each day, getting my boy settled back into nursery and juggling a million things at once from food shopping to washing to remembering to feed the dog.. and I wouldn’t change it for the world🌍

I will be forever grateful for the quality time I’ve been able to spend with my son, being able to watch him grow into a gorgeous, entertaining, stubborn little toddler (eek!) has been a pleasure. But it’s time to get back to work. I love my job and I love the buzz of climbing that career ladder and creating my own opportunities.

I’ve been quiet, but i’m still here.

I’ve been quiet, but I’m still here.

The past few weeks in lockdown have been strange, almost surreal, I wake up some mornings thinking ‘when will this end? is this real life?’ Juggling working from home and a 1 year old was so tough, that being furloughed by my employer was a blessing in disguise. Before being furloughed I felt like I was only giving 50% as a mother and 50% as an employee, neither of which sat very well with me.

I’d love to say that now I don’t have a ‘professional workload’ I’ve been at the top of my game and super productive, but that’s just not true. I’d love to say that all those activities and Pinterest boards have been attempted or completed, but that’s just not true. I’d love to say that my house is the cleanest its ever been, but again, that’s just not true.

The truth is, we’ve been given this incredible, unique gift of time, something that we never have enough of, especially when your children grow up in the blink of an eye. We’ve been forced to look at the simple things in life, for example, I always knew the process of the seasons but I never noticed how quickly a flower suddenly blooms! Or how, if you stand underneath a tree full of song birds and whistle, they try and replicate your tune. I’ve learnt how to make bread, I’ve recycled more efficiently, I’ve planted seeds and actually remembered to water them. When the baby is asleep I’ve doodled and painted, just for fun! I’ve stepped away from the laptop and only check the news once a day. I’ve baked. I’ve watched a lot of TV and films, rediscovering old favourites filled with nostalgia. 

That doesn’t mean that everyday is a breeze, in fact every day is hard for different reasons. But we’re doing it and so are you. Take each day as it comes because we really don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Tell you what though, I will never take for granted a hug from my mum again.

Stay safe everyone. I won’t leave it so long next time, I think I’ve found my voice again.

Top tips to negotiate your return to work

Returning to work can be a daunting prospect, especially when you’re a different person to who you were when you left. Your priorities may have completely changed and you now want less hours and less stress or you may be feeling refreshed and ready to get back to the grind! Whatever your motivation, we’ve put together our top tips within our easy to remember P A R E N T acronym to negotiate your return to work:

1. PREPARE
Prepare your proposal
Firstly, cast your mind back to the days before Maternity leave and write a list of your responsibilities and professional achievements. If the pre-baby days are a blur in your mind, they could also be a little foggy to your employer – remind them how great you are! Next, create a proposal for what you would like when you return to work, whether that be new responsibilities, reduced hours, flexible working etc – have a Plan A, Plan B and Plan C, putting forward your ‘Plan A’ first. Remember to highlight how it could work for your employer, you could be the best employee in the world but they have a business to run and they need to make sure its viable for them too. 

2. ASSESS
Assess what they have to say
It’s always best, where possible, to submit your proposal prior to meeting with your boss. This gives them a chance to understand what your expectations are and review your request in line with the company’s interests. This may mean that you won’t see eye to eye on a few things and that’s okay, you be may be able to think of alternative options, just not on the spot in the your meeting. So, when the day of your ‘back to work’ meeting arrives,  listen to them and assess what they have to say. Write notes throughout the meeting, absorb all of their suggestions and listen to their reasonings – then go away and have a think.

3. REMEMBER
Remember your rights and resources
This one’s for you. The majority of companies are completely au fait with the rules and regulations of returning to work after maternity but there are a few that aren’t and can get it wrong. That’s not to say that these companies are malicious when presenting their terms, it could just be that it’s their first time experiencing this and they have a lack of knowledge on the subject, which is why you should brush up on your entitlements and ensure that they comply. Here are some links that you may find useful:
– Citizens Advice
– Gov UK

4. EVALUATE
Evaluate the terms
Take a look at everything you discussed with your manager and think about what terms are acceptable to you. If you’re unsure then discuss with your partner, family and friends, it can be really useful to get other opinions and have somebody play devil’s advocate. There is a lot to think about when it comes to your return to work, but we would say the key things to consider are; cost of childcare, logistics of commuting, the volume of work on reduced hours, their ‘parent’ policies if your child needed emergency childcare and are there any other family work perks available.

5. NEGOTIATE
Negotiate the contract
So you’ve put forward your proposal, you’ve listened to their views and you’ve had a good think about their offer… but you’re not 100% happy and don’t feel ready to sign on the dotted line just yet. The next step is to negotiate with your employer. The best way to do this is to look at the bigger picture, are there any aspects you think you/they could compromise on? Could you reduce your lunch break or start a little earlier? Could they outsource a few of your responsibilities to lessen your workload? When negotiating, it can be really useful to include why you are asking for a change in your contract, the more they understand, the more likely they are to seriously consider your requests. Collate your changes and whilst remaining calm and concise, bring them up at your next review meeting. Good luck!

6. TAKE
Take the offer
Once you’re satisfied with all the changes and you’re feeling confident and happy with your new contract, go ahead and take it! Sign the contract and proceed with the offer. 

Please remember, that sometimes what looks great on paper doesn’t work out in real life and that’s okay, hours and job responsibilities can be easily changed. Give it a try, if you don’t like it, look for the alternatives. Returning to work can be a massive source of anxiety with the pressure to get the ‘perfect balance.’ For some that may be working full time, for others that may be working 8 hours a week – both of these scenarios are complete personal choice. Do not compare your working patterns to others, focus on your own family and what works for you as both mother and employee. You’ve got this!

My trusted support, my closest companion, my breast pump…

My trusted support, my closest companion, my breast pump… 

Strange sentiment right? But it’s how I feel about my Elvie breast pump! You see that picture at the top? I’m pumping in that picture! Simple, smart and discreet. The Elvie has allowed me to continue our breastfeeding journey with the ultimate convenience, whilst returning to work. It’s a complete standalone product, which means no wires and no being plugged into a wall whilst you pump. With the Elvie, you simply charge it up, pop it in your bra and hit play. You can monitor your milk output and control the start/stop pump session via an app and the pump will automatically stop when it reaches capacity. 

I have been using my pump for 5/7 days a week for the past 5 months and so far I’ve only had one ‘spillage,’ where I was probably trying to be a bit ambitious by emptying the dishwasher whilst pumping. BUT this does not take away from the fact I’ve been able to pump whilst cooking, shopping and even at my desk at work (see above picture!). It’s very discreet in terms of noise.. and it can be discreet whilst in use if you dress appropriately. I’ve disguised it well with the right shaped shirt or baggy jumper/coat but under a lot of clothes it will look like you’ve got one boob bigger than the other (unless you go for the double pump to even it out!). 

For clarity, that this is not an #AD or #Gifted and I’m not receiving any compensation or been asked to write this post. I am just a firm believer in giving credit where credit is due, people can be very quick to complain on social media and in my opinion there is far too much negativity in the world, so I’m giving a big, happy, positive shout out to Elvie and the amazing pump they’ve created! It has transformed my breastfeeding journey and I would highly recommend the Elvie to all you pumping mums out there!

Be kind to yourself

On this blog we talk a lot about being a working mum and the highs and lows that come with it, but today we’d like to talk about you. Not you as a mum, or an employee or the boss or a colleague, just simply you.

It goes without saying that having a baby is a completely life changing occurrence and it alters you in so many ways that it’s hard to pinpoint where ‘mum’ ends and ‘you’ begins. The truth is, it can be extremely hard to find your own identity again because it’s highly likely that it will be totally unrecognisable compared to life ‘BC’ (before children). If you’re searching for the ‘old you’ it’s not going to be there, what you will eventually find is something so much better. You will find a new woman who has more love in her heart than she ever thought possible, who is capable of juggling nap times with coffee catch ups and who is automatically putting everybody else’s needs first. You will find a new woman who is a lot more tired than they used to be, who isn’t as confident in their body as they once were, who has faced and fought challenges that she never saw coming. But regardless of all the changes, you will discover the things that you used to love and giggle at the things that made you laugh, peppered amongst the new priorities you will see a new version of the ‘old you.’ 

In this life you wear many ‘hats’ and respond to so many names and titles, that it becomes very easy to forget the most important one of all, your name. Set aside time that’s just for you, go to the cinema, take that relaxing bath (no baby monitors allowed!), attend a dance class, work out at the gym, read a book in the park, get your nails done, have a spa day, go on a date night! Whatever makes you happy. There is a lot in the media about being kind to others, but I believe this (like charity) starts at home. So please, please, please #BeKind to yourself. You’re amazing.

The inevitable sickness bug

It doesn’t matter how many vitamins you load them up with, how frequently you wash their hands or how dedicated you are to avoiding others struck down with illness, your child is going to get sick at some point. Whether that be a cold, the flu or some sort of ‘itis’ (tonsillitis, gastroenteritis etc) it’s never fun when your little one isn’t well, but it is a normal part of life and builds their immune system.

As a working mum, I will admit that the minute my baby is poorly I automatically start calculating the number of days he will need off nursery. I am mentally reorganising my to do list at work. I’m trying to figure out, based on his symptoms and demeanor, whether grandparents would be able to come and look after him or whether ‘only mummy will do.’ 

I’m not ashamed to admit that’s my thought process. It goes without saying that OF COURSE my number one priority is my little boy, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other factors that need to be considered. I’m very lucky to work for an amazing company who are extremely supportive and understanding, but I know that this isn’t always the case for others. 

The thought of calling in sick when you’re not well can fill you with anxiety, but to call in ‘sick’ when you’re perfectly healthy but your child isn’t, can tip you over the edge. The guilt, the self-applied pressure, the exhaustion, the problem solving, the stress, the worry… all of these emotions are amplified when your baby is poorly. 

It’s mentally and physically draining, but it will pass. Children are incredibly resilient, they can bounce back as quickly as they go down. Don’t ever feel apologetic or guilty for doing the mental maths as to how you’re going to get through the sickness bug. You’re allowed to think about how you’re going to juggle work whilst they’re off nursery. You’re entitled to use your own judgement, as their mum, to determine whether you could leave them with Nanny or Grandma. You know your baby better than anybody, don’t question your own instincts, you’ve got this.

Tax Free Childcare

It’s very well known that childcare is expensive, in fact it’s so expensive that sometimes you’re no better off going to work than staying home with no income. Many of us that have gone back to work aren’t entitled to any help until our little one turns 3, when we’re then able to claim 30 hours* a week free childcare.. which is great! But what about the other 2/2.5 years previous to that? 

That said, there is the government’s Tax Free Childcare service (if you’re eligible) the government will contribute £2 for every £8 you put into your account. I’ve spoken about this to a few people and I was surprised that so many people didn’t know it was available! It’s all managed by an easy-to-use online system and despite its initial teething problems, I’ve found it to be a very simple process;

1. Check your eligibility on the gov.uk website and apply for your tax free childcare account.

2. Once approved, transfer money into your account via online banking.

3. The government then ‘top up’ your account using the £2 for every £8 calculation, usually within 24 hours.

4. When you receive your childcare invoice, select your childcare provider from the list in your tax free account and transfer funds directly to them.

5. Make a note of your reference number and advise your childcare provider what the payment reference will be.

There are a few things to note about the service, you can only claim up to a certain ‘top up’ amount every 3 months (approx. £500), so if your fees are particularly high you may not be able to ‘top up’ to the full invoice amount. Also, your childcare provider must be registered with the service and available within the ‘drop down’ list within the system. You cannot withdraw the ‘topped up’ money, it must be paid directly from the tax free account. If you have any problems/questions about this service, I’ve spoken to a few people at the gov.uk childcare team and they have been extremely helpful, they’ve also resolved any issues I’ve had very quickly.

Childcare can be a massive source of stress and a prominent financial burden upon working families, especially those with multiple children in childcare. There is no real incentive for parents to go back to work, aside from personal ambition and a need for income. The Tax Free Childcare scheme definitely helps with the astronomical childcare fees but it doesn’t tackle the heart of the problem. Why are the fees so high and why is there a lack of financial support to those going back to work? By going back to work, you’re paying tax, national insurance, contributing to the economy and supporting the businesses you work for but then you’re penalised with crippling childcare fees. I don’t want to sound too ‘it’s not fair’… but it’s not! I’m really interested to see whether any changes/grants will be made available in the future for working parents.

Useful link: https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

*30 hours depending on eligibility, check gov.uk website for full details

Take a ‘Mum-Moment’

Anyone else feel like they just don’t stop? Adhering to the weekly schedule of work and childcare, balancing your spare time with coffee catch ups and play dates whilst desperately trying to beat the pile of washing that never ends. 

This week (bearing in mind it’s only Tuesday) I’ve had to just stop, breathe and take a ‘mum-moment’ –  a moment to embrace that feeling of calm amongst the chaos and let go of the to do lists, the mess and the chores. To let go of the appointments, the deadlines, the worries and the stress. To just breathe.  

So promise me this Mumma, when it’s just all getting too much and you have a million things on your mind, take a mum-moment (lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to!). Whether that’s 30 seconds or 30 minutes, however long YOU need and just breathe. Take yourself to your happy place, whether that’s dreaming of sunny beach days or wrapping up warm in the snow, whatever makes YOU smile.

You are also important. You matter too. You’ve got this.